before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
