and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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