Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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