420 ftw
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
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I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
as a side note pls kill me
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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