I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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