so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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