If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
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If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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