You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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