What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
