I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
