It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
