i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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