Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
