dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
