i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
