Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize