whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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