Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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