I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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