So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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