How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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