when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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