Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
