I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
