Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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