meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
