he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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