I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
