come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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