she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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