Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
