just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
