just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
