I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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