I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
