I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
