If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
