Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
