You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
