If that was your dad, he is hot
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
