so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
