I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
