you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
