i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize