her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
