Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
