Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
