Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
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My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
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I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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