yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
