Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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