sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
