It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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