Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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