Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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