I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
