It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
