I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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