why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
