She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Holy sore nipples Batman
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
