I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
