I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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