He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
