Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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