i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
