I feel like abortions should bother me more
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
