i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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