why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
