Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
