There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
