I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
