I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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