OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am mentally ready for anal.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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