your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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