Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
